Horse Humour

Why you should ride Horses not Harleys
Body Protector Product Launch

How to read horse ads

BIG TROT

Can't canter within a 2 mile stretch

NICELY STARTED

Lunges, but we don't have enough insurance to ride him yet

TOP SHOW HORSE

Won a reserve championship 5 years ago at a show with unusually low entries due to a hurricane

HOME BRED

Knows nothing despite being home-grown

BOLD

Runaway

GOOD MOVER

Runaway

ATHLETIC

Runaway

NEEDS INTERMEDIATE RIDER

Runaway

NEEDS EXPERIENCED RIDER

DEAD Runaway

DEAD QUIET

Just dead

SPIRITED

Psychotic

RECENTLY VETTED

Someone else found something badly wrong with this horse

ANY VET CHECK WELCOME

Please pay for us to find out what the !@#$ is wrong with him!

BIG BONED

Good this has mane and tail or would be mistaken for cow

DOING COURSES

When tranquilised to the eyeballs and lunged six hours straight before

WELL MANNERED

Hasn't stepped on, bitten or kicked anyone for a week

PROFESSIONALLY TRAINED

Hasn't stepped on, bitten or kicked anyone for a week

STARTED O/F

Started overfeeding because can't ride

SHOULD MATURE 16 HANDS

Currently 13hh, dam is 14.2hh, sire is 15hh, every horse in pedigree back 18 generations is under 15hh, but this horse will defy his DNA and grow

TO GOOD HOME ONLY

Not really for sale unless you can

1. Pay twice what he is worth
2. Allow current owner to tuck in beddy-bye every night, and
3. Are willing to sign a 10 page legal document

NO VICES

Especially when he wears his muzzle

LIGHT CRIBBER

We can't afford to build any more stable and fences for this chainsaw

NO TIME FOR HIM

He's lucky to be fed

EXCELLENT DISPOSITION

Never been out of his stable

GOOD TO CLIP, SHOE, BOX

Clippety clippety is the sound his hooves make when he drags you across the yard as you try to box him

FOR SALE DUE TO LACK OF TIME

Rider cannot afford to spend any more time in hospital

WELL BRED

Mother and father are also brother and sister

BLACK

Brown and/or dirty

SUIT EVENTING

No brakes

SUIT DRESSAGE

No accelerator

SUIT ANYONE

Except us, we hate him

ALWAYS IN RIBBONS

The shows we went to gave complementary rossettes for all who entered

ALWAYS PLACED

The shows we went to were so small that there were no more than 3 in each class

GOOD AT SJ

All the classes we entered were minimus (jumps under 1 foot)

Got more horse humour? - email comedian@saddler.co.uk with details.

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